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Congratulations, dear Kate! You're about to marry that handsome Prince William bloke and become an honest-to-goodness princess. That's jolly good, but I should warn you that becoming royalty has a serious downside. Instead of a tidy London flat, you and the groom will soon have an entire castle to clean. Buckingham Palace has 775 rooms, including 78 bathrooms. Windsor Castle has 1,000 rooms and is over 900 years old. Imagine dust bunnies that are centuries old! Now I suspect all this real estate comes with a housekeeper or two, but you and William will want to be in charge of the cleaning products they use. Tackle that job yourself and know that future heirs to the throne will grow up in a safe and healthy home. So as my wedding gift to you and all engaged couples everywhere, I offer these suggestions for a Seventh Generation Newlywed Cleaning Cabinet. It's a way to start married life with everything you need to brilliantly and sustainably polish the ramparts.

  • All-Purpose Cleaner. Just a couple of biodegradable squirts clean almost anything Her Majesty can come up with, all without harsh fumes.
  • Glass & Surface Cleaner. This is the one you want for all those mirrors and windows around the palace, and all its chrome as well. Streak-free, hassle-free, and safe for the environment, too.
  • Our Dishwashing Liquid works great on everyday plates and dishes and fine china as well. And don't forget to stock up on our powder, gel, and rinse aid for the dishwasher, they'll keep the royal china sparkling.
  • Recycled Paper Towels. Rags and sponges are great, but when William makes a royal mess of things, you'll want a disposable option made from recycled materials.
  • Toilet Bowl Cleaner. Use this tough cleaner 'round your loo and make your porcelain throne gleam without harmful fumes, chemicals, or dyes.
  • And use our Tub & Tile Cleaner and Shower Cleaner to keep things fit for a future King.

Then, of course, there are our great laundry products, which we'll save for an anniversary gift. In the meantime, take a sneak peek ere. And check out our fantastic Free & Clear baby products and feminine care. That's all you need to keep up appearances and green your palace in the process. And because Seventh Generation products make cleaning so easy, you'll have plenty of time to put my wedding invitation in the mail. photo: Jimmy Harris

Geoff the Inkslinger and his Dog

The Inkslinger has written about environmental issues for over 20 years and is a freelance writer for some of America's most iconoclastic companies and non-profits. His true loves include nature, music of the Americana/rock and roll variety, interior design, books, old things, good stories, pagan rituals, and his wife of 24 years, with whom he lives in an undisclosed chemical-free rural Vermont location along with his teenage daughter and two infinitely hilarious Australian shepherds!