Whenever I think about the kind of parent I want to be, the soundtrack in my mind invariably skips to Crosby, Stills, Nash & Young's "Teach Your Children." So when I sat down to write this post about holiday giving, my thoughts turned immediately to Matthew, my 6-year-old. Without laying a guilt trip on him, his dad and I want to expand his understanding that there are many people -- including many children -- in our world, our country, our neighborhood who want for many of the things he takes for granted: a cozy bed, books and toys, and plenty of good things to eat.

I thought about how, as a family, we could help those less fortunate. The stakes are raised this year, with food banks and soup kitchens struggling in the face of rising unemployment. If anyone still needed a wake-up call, it came loud and clear recently, with the Department of Agriculture reporting that more than 49 million Americans, including 17 million children, are at risk of hunger.

That's 13 million more people experiencing what the USDA calls "food insecurity" than just one year ago. About a third of those affected are skipping meals, cutting portions, or otherwise forgoing food at some point in the year. Meanwhile, a September study by Feeding America, the country's leading domestic hunger-relief charity, showed its 200 member food banks reporting a 30 percent increase in the number of people seeking assistance, with some stating increases of more than 50 percent in requests for emergency food assistance.

It became clear what we should do, and I went about finding a charity that would accept our food donations. It wasn't easy to narrow down my choices. If you are also looking for a way to donate food this season, I'd recommend starting with the Charity Navigator, a nonprofit that offers a lot of information, such as how much of an organization's budget actually goes toward helping those in need. The site includes a Holiday Giving Guide.

An online search of food banks led me to the aforementioned Feeding America, formerly called America's Second Harvest, which operates through a network of more than 200 food banks in the 50 states, the District of Columbia, and Puerto Rico. Those member food banks support approximately 63,000 local agencies, which provide food directly to individuals and families in need. Use them to find your local network food bank and learn about volunteer opportunities.

Then I decided to check in with my friends and family to find out how they help those in need.

Like so many people who discover ways to give at their houses of worship, my Chicago cousins learned of their favorite charity through their synagogue. Susan told me that Mazon, founded in the wake of the Ethiopian famine, donates money to Jewish and non-Jewish food-related organizations.

On the local level, Susan and her husband, my cousin Lou, also volunteer through their synagogue with the Night Ministry, a Chicago-based organization aimed at helping feed homeless youth and adults that sets up tables on designated corners, including some in the neighborhood where my cousins live.

Susan and Lou's giving doesn't end there. After their daughter's bat mitzvah a few years back, they wanted to donate the extra food but were frustrated to learn that many pantries won't accept unsealed items. Then they discovered Pacific Garden Mission, a local organization that provides food, shelter, clothing, and medical and dental care to the homeless.

On the local level, word of mouth is another good way to find out about ways to help. One of my neighbors, also named Susan, recently e-mailed our building about a nearby church's need for food donations for its Thanksgiving dinner, along with volunteers to cook, decorate, and serve. This church, like so many other pantries, is also reaching out to the community to drop off non-perishables to help restock its shelves. Paula, another friend, usually donates through her children's activities, including sports teams and the Scouts. Most schools, including Matthew's, hold annual canned food drives. All of this helps.

But it's important to remember a point raised by my sister-in-law, Deb, who works for the Utah Foster Care Foundation: "After working at a nonprofit for years, I realize that many of us want to volunteer or donate to make ourselves feel good. We often get volunteers who want to work on specific projects that our families really don't need. We have to explain to them that the most generous thing they can do is make a donation, and not just at Christmas."

Food pantries are usually looking for canned goods including tuna, soups, and vegetables, along with things like cereal, macaroni and cheese, peanut butter and jelly, and pasta and spaghetti sauce. Check first to see what the organization really needs. In many cases, a monetary donation may be the preferred choice.

When I checked the lyrics to "Teach Your Children," I discovered that Graham Nash was actually writing about his difficult relationship with his father.

But the counter melody offers a fitting message during this holiday season and throughout the year: "Teach your children what you believe in. Make a world that we can live in." That's what I hope to do with Matthew, as we pick out canned goods to donate and sort through his old toys and clothes, destined for children who have so little.

These suggestions are just a start. How do you help make a world that we can live in?

photo: Jessica Reeder